So for those that don’t know me that well, or aren’t connected to me in some way on one of the untold amounts of socials programs/sites I’m on, I’ve recently packed up my shit and am heading out west to san fran. Today was the first leg of the trip, and to say it started off without a hitch would be a lie beyond reason. The initial idea was to get up at the ass crack of dawn and head out, actual time we headed out the door… 11am. The main reason behind the hold up was having to disassemble a huge piece of furniture, because people on craigslist don’t seem to comprehend the english language. I’ll leave that alone before I get angry.
Having completed the first leg of the five day trip, I’m writing this post from a hotel in Nashville, TN.
In the eleven or so hours of driving on america’s highways I’ve learned a few things.
Virginia (Reston) to Tennessee (Knoxville), has got to be the lamest stretch of driving I’ve ever been on. There wasn’t one interesting thing along the way. Jebus that shit was boring. Once you start heading to Nashville its nice scenery.
Did you know Tennessee has a beef jerky outlet? NO I’m not making that shit up.
I <3 the 70 mph speed limit for the major highways.
Being one of the only two black people at a gas station, in the middle of no-where Knoxville, across from the guy staring at you wear the confederate flag shirt with two others in his truck, can be a bit unnerving.
The magazine racks in the gas stations are smaller then the porn racks.
Super Walmark and Cracker Barrel run the highway. You serious can’t go 20mins without seeing one or the other, and in some cases both.
Bugs explode liker water balloons. The windshield looks like we’ve been through a warzone.
I’m sure I’m forgetting things, but I’m tired and my ability to create a coherent sentence is slowly slipping away. So for tomorrows leg of the trip, its Nashville to Oklahoma City… I can’t wait to get out of the southern red states.
One of my true goals in life, is to one day visit japan. I mean I’ve only seen the it in movies and various tv shows, but I’m almost certain that if I ever did make it over there I’d probably never want to come back. To me, being the huge geek that I am, the japanese are some of the coolest people in the world. They get all the cool gadgets, cars, and a crime rate lower then wyoming. On top of that you have stuff like this
makes me wonder, why I haven’t packed my bags for japan yet.
Every once in awhile there will be a natural disaster, a horrible accident or some random bad thing that makes you wonder to yourself, “Is God mad at me for something?” Well it seems that we really fucked up as a whole this time, because ole jebus is dropping the wrath hammer down this holiday season…
You heard it here first, armageddon is around the corner. Better drop to your knees and start repenting now.
In case you think this is some kind of horrible horrible joke, I can assure you it isn’t. I searched the intertubes and sure enough this godawful attrocity is in production as we speak. As I stare at the image, a little piece of my childhood just went up in flames. Time to buy some rosaries!
So while most of the free world is scribbling overly-analyzed articles about the iJesus1. , I have decided to use this time to speak about more important topic: Paris Hilton. More specifically, one woman’s refusal to cover Paris Hilton as the lead news story ahead of both the current war and/or any other worthwhile news event.
So I will admit that, like the other 75% of the US, I don’t watch the news. (I’m sure some old guy is about to hit me over the head with his cane and tell me how much of a crime that is.) What can I say, I just don’t care that much. Honesty, if the news actually covered RELEVANT topics these days, I might actually watch it. But in this reality, the news is actually driven by popularity, celebrities, and generalized bullshit, not actual news. It refreshing to see someone actually get fed up with reporting on how Paris did some “community service”2. to get herself an early release. Last time I checked we were in the middle of a war, we had a Vice President with practically more power than the President, and global issues that nobody wants to actually deal with, or admit are actually happening3. . Yet you’ll find more coverage on what nipple covers Angelina Jolie has on when she wears a sheer dress to the Oscars. Wait, that may actually be compelling news…
Anyway, you know what I’m saying: enough is enough. This is why the rest of the world hates us. Wake up people!
Now most that know me, know I have a short temper for dumbass children, probably part of the reason I hate myspace with a passion. You know them, the ones that think Leguna Beach is how life actually works and how pop singers are the greatest role models in the world. The ones that roam in bands around the mall doing ab-so-fuckin-lutely nothing but running their mouths and getting in my way. Must contain anger…1,2,3 now breathe, ok. It seems though, that the cellphone industry has started to push their products using the consumer based most profiitable to them, dumbass annoying children. Don’t know what I’m talking about? I’m pretty sure you do. First lets start with that damn T-Mobile commercial with the damn cheerleader.
He didnt break up with me I broke up with him,
ur not conceited u r just honest,
i think maybe our cheerleading squad should boycott tuna for a while,
i was gonna be the only one with the white swim suit and then she had it, too.
*sigh* can i like get a new battery?
What? You got ur head stuck in the sunroof? That is so not good.
I love chewing gum.
He’s like wutever and Im like wutever and hes like wutever.
Once it got halfway through, I was grinding my teeth and the only thing that was going through my head was how I’d pop that kid in the mouth if I saw her on the street. She just annoys the hell out of me, its like triggering the Hulk. Eventually the commercial faded into obscurity and I was spared the torture for some time. But now there is a new contender. Cingular has a new commercial touting the yet another annoying ass kid, this one showing off her ability too avoid the english language as a whole and abbreviate entire sentences. Its not the fact that she is talking like this, but the over arching fact that this generation has been taught that you don’t have to earn or work for anything anymore. Everything is handed to you and if it doesn’t go the way you want, you can just cry about how the world is so against you, or how your parents don’t really love you, possibly parlaying that into an emo music career. Ok i’m getting off topic.
Anyway, this commercial left me with the same Hulk smash feeling that the T-Mobile one did, and in my head I could imagine how the commercial would have ended had I been the parent of this kid. Luckily, I’m not the only one with the same hatred towards this commercial. a a fellow with artistic ability was able to translate my rage into a picture. Enjoy!
