A week or so ago, The Comsumerist wrote a rather well thought out article on 5 Expenses You Can’t Afford If You Have Credit Card Debt . While they covered a vast majority of items that people don’t account for in useless expenses, I couldn’t help but think that they overlooked a few vital things that could have made this a much bigger list. Soooo, I made my own.

5) lotion
Yes I understand we all get a little dry and crusty from time to time, but spending about 10$ on lotion is just a bad investment. There is a great replacement thats been around for years, vaseline. This stuff is as cheap as it gets, and you basically are buying it by the pound. Unfortunately drawbacks do come with this, one being, once the sun hits you, you’ll look like a reflective strip, also if someone uses a flash to take a picture with you in it, don’t count on being anything but a white blur in the picture. But look on the bright side, if you get in a fight you’ll be ready to go a couple rounds without getting blood everywhere.


4) energy drinks
This energy drink kick that people need to get through the day can be a costly one, as a single can usually ranges from 3-5$. The thing is, is in the hood parents have been making probably the cheapest energy drink there is, its called kool aid. Packs of kool aid are dirty cheap and come in every flavor you can think of. I order to get the kick you need, you will need to ignore the suggested mixing on that packet and fix it ghetto style, which is 3 parts sugar, 1 part kool aid, and some water. People with diabetes need not try this, hell even if you don’t have it I wouldn’t suggest more then one glass a day.

3) pet food
You know before man came along and bitchified most house pets, they were kicking each other’s asses in the wild. So instead of feeding them some fancy, canned table scraps, get them nice and pissed and set them lose in the woods for a bit. I’m sure by the time they return to you, they will have killed something to eat — problem solved. Organic my ass. There is nothing more organic than a fresh kill.

2) hookers
I know for a lot of you this is a hard one to deal with, I’m talking to you women as well, but with inflation these days, the price of a hooker is going through the roof. If you can’t just live off interweb porn then you have probably the largest collections of whores just a few key strokes away, myspace. I don’t think I need to elaborate further.

1) kids
Little rug rats can be expensive, with all there eating and pooping and needing attention. So the solution is to make them into some type of profitable investment. Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right, so once they can walk you need to have them surfin or skateboarding or rapping or something! because the public loves to shower money on talented kids like they are going out of style. If this doesn’t work out, you can always try selling them off to a wealthy actress trying to fill her soulless existence with a child that she is to much of a frigid bitch to ever create herself.

+1)underwear
Dude just keep your ass washed, not a big deal. Hell, you work that right and you might get that raise you need so you don’t have to spend the rest of your life living off ramen and big league chew